...heterosexual vaginal intercourse is often privileged above other sexual acts because of its association with reproduction (and because of good old-fashioned heteronormativity and homophobia), and so people often rely on a problematic concept of “virginity” that can exclude, marginalize, and ignore the experiences of queer folk. But yesterday’s panelists noted that it’s important for us to create and reinforce alternatives to this heteronormative penetration-focused view of virginity and how it’s “lost”. What about a female-bodied person whose sexuality does not involve being penetrated? Are her sexual experiences somehow less valid? Part of rethinking virginity has to include incorporating a more nuanced and more queer-friendly concept of sex and virginity that doesn’t serve to devalue the experience of any person or group of people.
I've been thinking about this, as well: obviously, if you define virginity as not having experienced vaginal penetration (and by definition, "sex" as said penetration), then that excludes a lot of people. In response, someone might suggest that we set up different definitions for lesbians, gay men, and straight men and women. Okay, except that's still setting up a hierarchy where vaginal penetration is a gold standard of sorts, and those seen as unable to achieve it are granted honourary (second best) admission into the non-virgin club.
If we start thinking about it seriously, I think we have to either jettison the concept of virginity entirely or else at least give up the idea that some specific act between certain types of people alone constitutes the transition from virgin to non-virgin.
This post on heteronormativity and female sexual dysfunction would seem to be right up your alley!
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking about this the other day! Really, virginity is only an important or relevant concept if your outlook on sex focuses on maintenance of purity and repression of desire (especially for women).
ReplyDeleteThe actually important and relevant sexual concepts should be consent, satisfaction and intimacy. Was it consensual? Was it satisfying? Was it intimate? The question "Was it your first time?" is contained within, and superseded by these three. And, I think these concepts don't need any special translation across sexes, genders or orientations.
Thanks, Tlönista! I think I came across that piece a while ago, but never got around to reading it.
ReplyDelete@Joe: Yes, one would think this would be good enough, but it seems like the concept just won't go away. As well, sometimes problems occur with concepts like satisfaction as well -- the piece linked by Tlönista gets at some of these, in that satisfaction often gets redefined (for both men and women) through medical discourses in a very specific way (focusing on penile-vaginal penetration).